It always poses challenges when you are doing something  out of the kindness of your heart.  
I’ve learned that passion can easily be confused with ego.  But without passion, shit just plain
doesn’t get done let alone with no  budget when you need it done well.   I don’t know, there is
a certain amount of submissive style cruelty that a volunteer always gets no matter how hard
they work.   It’s my hunch that most artists get to feel this way because often times in order to
have the right to be creative at  all, most of us have had to give up more than one comfort along
the way.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining  about it, but it takes a certain amount of
dedication to your craft to be  willing to starve for it….It’s an even deeper dynamic still when
you are having  your own projects AND volunteering to help other’s with theirs. 
 What do you do when they  both require full time pushing? 
 Some of you visiting here  won’t even connect enough to read this entire entry; you will have
already formed your opinions within the first sentence or two.  It wouldn’t matter if I was about
to die later in the paragraph, if I failed to get your attention, or if I lose your attention, you would
never know I’m about to die.  I feel that is the case with artwork so to many oftens!!!   Have you
ever loved anything that much?  Or for that matter have you  ever needed to accomplish creating
something so badly that it hurt your physical being to not be able to because of something stupid. 
There always seems to be some superficial limitation that prolongs your end result or you finally
after all the diligence actually get to finish  something that is worthwhile.
  

That’s what it’s like you know…creating… It’s like being willing to jump  off the bridge if that’s what it takes, but not because that egocentric critic  over there decided that you need to in order to prove that your dues have been  paid. I say NO WAY!!!  I don’t have  to jump off the bridge to take a real plunge, but I’ll freaking swan dive if it  will keep us going with our creating…   (Sigh)   It doesn’t have to be that way you  know….We are doing something new now….   Right??? The only difference between then and when we decide to work  together and let our passions blend into one impenetrable force is that I “used”
to wear penny loafers and I used to have shame over my freckles and red hair and  blue eyes because every person I knew at that time treated those that didn’t  have those attributes like a pile.   You don’t know me, or have any  kind of authority over me.  So why  do I give a shit that you do or don’t?  I shouldn’t, right?  I used to  pretend I wasn’t an artist.  Honestly, I don’t think you would  believe me if I told you that story but it’s true.  8  whole years I didn’t even pick up a brush. It was a choice.  Does it matter?    Should it matter? It’s in the past right? What should really matter is that I don’t have any shame left!   The only thing left is LOVE and a serious determination to create,  educate, and inspire others.  I’m  ready to be seen!   Sometimes  that’s not pretty is it?  To be
seen; really seen.    I hope the world  is ready but if it’s not oh, well.  I’m still taking that swan dive.

 


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