Public Honesty session 1... 
Why I have post traumatic stress, and why it doesn't really matter... 

I LOVE a parade! I always have. Growing up in Jonesport Maine where the worlds best 4th of July celebration happens, will definitely teach you the value of a well done float! 

We/I put over 200 hours into this amazing float for the Saint Patrick's Day parade back in 05. I stayed up all night long painting a cast of 35 people for it. "Story time at the Castle" We had one of the most amazing Shakespearean story tellers on the Monitor with amazing stories for our cast to play along to. We were bless to have the Dragon from the The Wizard's Chest being pulled by a big purple castle fully built by us. It was perfect! Everyone was decked in the finest paint and costumes! Everything was running on schedule as we sat in the big parking lot waiting for our turn to round Blake street and present our genius to the judges and cheers of the people. It's a lot of fun to sit in that lot with all the other entries. The people watching is beyond compare!!! There are some truly amazing individuals who participate in parades. I just love it!

After literally a couple of hours in line up I finished up some touch ups with much anticipation! Could it be??? Yeah! It's finally OUR TURN!!! ~ Our turn for CHEERS AND AMAZING ticker taped fun and excitement!!! Let's take them by storm......Yeah! Around the bend we come...There it is... Blake street! We did It! We really did it!

BOOMM....Ppppppfffffff. The engine dies with a big black puff of smoke and a wheeze!!!!! RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF BLAKE STREET and right in front of everyone behind us!!! OMG!!! OMG!!!! The world caves in a bit and I can't breathe. I was mortified!!!

What were we to do??? I had parade marshals screaming about getting out of the way, I had a 40 lb CO2 tank on my back with those fucking green hair puffs..(giggle).Tears streaming down my face. I hadn't slept and was feeling it at this moment more than any other moment of the entire night! Sigh... we didn't get it started.. It was everything we could do to get the thing pulled out of the way of the parade so that everyone else could proceed.

My cast was amazing!!!...Kings and queens and sheep with Bo Peep, juggling jesters and poi spinning fairies with piggies and wolves and all the more. There they were, so there they did there things, they began walking and entertaining with smiles on their faces! I will never be able to repay them for that response! It has helped to sustain that feeling of not being able to give up, NO MATTER WHAT!!!

So I rode my little step scooter to the place where we were staged to stop and present and I put myself front and center to that judges panel. In fifth ballet' position, with my left hand on my hip, and my right hand extended in true street performance fashion. "Lady and Gentleman judges of 2005! It is I~pause with bow~ The Glitter Freckle lady!!! I worked very hard to present a wonderful story for you here today, but as you can see, my parade float has broken down and I have held up the Parade! I did my best! Thank you and ~ good morning(with another bow)". As I proceeded to pick up my little scooter and place my foot in the middle of the step to go on with the rest of the parade, they began applauding!!! The delay by now was right around 35 minutes and there was no sign of the rest of the parade. And they were applauding! It was so humiliating and harsh and extreme... But you know what???? We still WON parade marshals choice for that year. I know a lot about failure... With that truth I can honestly say that with each time I did not succeed, and there have been so many times now that I have come to expect it; with each one, I have grown! TAK